He Calls Martha "Martha," and I Call Him Eddie Ross.

Hello world. Meet my new best friend:

Photo from here.

He looks good in vests. His name is Eddie Ross. Oh, and I'm evidently the last person in the world to become one hundred percent enamoured of him. I found his blog during a quest for design tips, and have been nothing short of obsessed ever since.

Here is a man who is talented with all things gorgeous. He designs living spaces, flowers, and table settings. He's been a caterer, a Food Network honcho, and is currently one of Martha Stewart's right-hand men (only he's taking a hiatus to be involved with "Top Design," a television show in its second season on the Bravo Network). In other words, he's the kind of guy I always thought I should marry, but it's a dadgum good thing I didn't because then I would've harbored an inferiority complex all the way to my death bed. (And anyway, I'm glad I ended up with Poor Kyle. Things worked out just as they should have.)

Eddie's blog showcases delightful snippets of his personal design triumphs, including thrift store and flea market finds (i.e. "treasure hunting"), before-and-after success stories, and how to create professional flower arrangements from home. He proudly declares that it's not necessary to spend buckets of money to create an elegant style. He even understands the value of white dishes (a personal obsession I am always feeding).

I could look at his before-and-after photos all day long. Especially this set, in which he transformed his kitchen light fixture and effectively changed my life:

Photos from Eddie Ross.

But it doesn't end there.

Because this man is actually nice. As in...a kind and decent human. I commented on his blog (after finding it and devouring every post he'd ever written) and even went so far as to ask a design question of my own...

...and he wrote back. Personally. Within the hour.

Let's recap: A guy who calls Martha "Martha," and is actually allowed to do so...wrote me an email. With advice. Personalised design advice, just for me and my little house.

Photo from Eddie Ross.

So of course I blew it, as I do with all new friends {it's my lifelong curse}. Being completely starstruck (because I've never gotten mail from a famous person before [I would be so pathetic in Hollywood]), I wrote him back. Like an idiot.

And he wrote me back again. A brand new email, with words different from the first!

Yes, I know it was stalker of me to write twice. It's just that I couldn't stop the visions of me and Eddie Ross, arm in arm, scouring the streets of New York for deals on the cheap. "Oh, Eddie Ross, you're such a joker," I would laugh, smiling at my new best friend who would be coming over to redecorate my brownstone apartment from top to bottom later that evening, and he'd show up with a fresh floral arrangement he'd thrown together just for me.

I know. Pathetic. I won't be bothering him anymore, because enough is enough and I know it. In fact, as soon as I sent my googly-eyed second email, I regretted bothering him twice. With his fast-paced life in NYC, I'm sure he's beyond annoyed with me by now.

Photo from Eddie Ross. Naturally.

But he's my new best friend, and I won't rest until I get a personalised invite to one of his amazing dinner parties. (Teasing, Eddie Ross. Just teasting.)

Seriously, though...I will proudly link to his blog on my sidebar, and a little piece of me will be besotted with him until the day I die.

Birth Control and What I'd Do if it Ever Failed Me.

I believe that children should come into this world being highly anticipated by their parents. Of course, accidents can happen, and who am I to judge? No one. I am, however, a girl who knows that she is not--in any way, shape or form--ready to be a mother. If I were to get pregnant unexpectedly right now, I would feel so sorry for my unborn fetus, because I do not think I could be joyful and excited to birth it. (To BIRTH it. BIRTH. Sounds wretched.)

Someday I will be ready to have children, and when that day comes, I will be as hopeful and expectant as any mother likely is. I will nest. I will read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" (a title which should be underlined but Blogger won't let me). I will go to LaMaze and La Leche League and LaMommy-and-Me prep classes. When I am ready.

But for now, I take very great care not to let any of my defenseless little eggs get fertlised. That's how we roll, the eggs and me.

So with no further ado...

Q [from Anonymous]: So what ARE your birth control plans?

A [from me]: I am taking a prescription birth control pill called Yasmin. I like it, second only to the prescription I was on back in the states [it was a similar pill called Yaz, but the "off" pills were only three in number. Which meant the "off" days were three or fewer. Which was a marvelous thing indeed]. But they don't make Yaz in Canada--just Yasmin. The only difference is that the white pills--or the "off" days--are an entire seven. Which is four more than three. Which is the kind of math that can get your head chewed off if you bring it up during The Week of the White Pills.

Poor Kyle--he knows to beware of the Week of the White Pills. Poor, poor Kyle.

I won't complain, though, because my meds up here cost me $10.00 for a three month supply, whereas in Arizona I was paying upwards of $50.00 each month. But that was my fault because I dropped out of college and could no longer qualify for student insurance. I'm a black sheep like that.

Anyway, Yasmin is a nice little drug that I gleefully pump into my body every night before bed. I did all the research my little brain could tolerate, and I decided the pill was the choice for me. I might have preferred the Depo Provera shot, if not for the fact that I would rather get pregnant than get shots--and that's saying a lot. And please...don't even get me started on those nasty things that stay up in people's bodies for months on end. I...cannot...fathom. Ever. Never ever ever.

But to each her own.

Q [from Camille Elise]: Hmm...If you ever have kids, how many do you want? And would you ever consider having them at home, in say, a bathtub?

A [from me]: Four. And if there is any way I can figure out to have one sets of quadruplets or two sets of twins, I would absolutely take it. The way I figure it, I can completely hole myself inside my house for four years until at least one of my kids started school--and every year following would just get better. Then again, what do I know? My older sister, a new parent herself, tells me that this is the stupidest idea she's ever heard. And she's pretty clever, so I am probably wrong.

I would never have my children in a bathtub. I might consider having one in an Aqua Doula™, though--it's a child birthing spa! Ooh, la la!


But I intend to have at least my first child (assuming I can't get all four at once, because I could never be so lucky) at the local hospital, such as it is. Because, as I believe with my contraceptives, if the drugs are there, I want them.

If, however, my first birthing (ugh. BIRTHING. Sounds right awful) experience is negative, I would consider trying a home birth. The smart way. The Cristin way [i.e., with a licensed, experienced midwife there as guidance and a life-preserver]. When I read her post about her experience with a home birth, I remember thinking, "Wow. That really does sound nice. Being able to sleep in my own bed just a little while after having a kid? Good deal."

But who wants to think about birth plans now? Not me. I'm only sayin' 'cause you asked.

Mike Holmes Might as Well be Superman...

..if you ask me, that is.

Picture from here.

This is Mike Holmes. Do any of you know this man? I do--at least, I feel like I know him personally. I feel like we're best friends. Mike Holmes has a way of making people feel good about themselves.

Picture from here.

I know, I know--he looks a little bit like he could kill a man. And here's a secret...he probably could. He could, but he won't; he never will, because he's Holmes on Homes. He's a good man.

The Canadian contractor and television show host has made it his goal in life to rid Canada of shady contractors. His motto is, "Do it right," and if someone has already screwed that part up, his backup plan is to "Make it right."

It's a Discovery Channel show, but I watch it on HGTV. And from what I can tell, Mike Holmes is truly a caring individual. Some of the homes he fixes (all of which have been buggered up by previous contractors) are for people in wheelchairs--in which case Mike Holmes bends down to speak to them at their own height. Mike Holmes is gentle when helping sweet little ladies, and he explains all of his actions on an age-appropriate level. In other words, he cares.

He's also set up a scholarship program for higher-education in the trades, which he believes is a necessity if we're to handle the retirement of the baby boomers with any sort of grace at all. And to top it all off, he received an honorary doctorate from BCIT, on account of his exemplary craftsmanship and humanitarian efforts.

Picture from here.

I've always wanted an honorary Doctorate.

And so what if he has a seemingly never-ending supply of overalls and white tank tops? A trademark's a trademark--plus, he dresses up his overalls with long sleeve button-up shirts if he's going somewhere fancy...like the Ellen Degeneres show:



That's classy right there. I love a man who knows how to act in public.

{Of All the Goodly Things in Life, This Has to be the Best}

I am whole again.

This is just like the time in 6th grade (grade 6, Canadians!) when I picked and tore and bit at the wart on my thumb so much it eventually fell off, but once it was gone, I missed it. I missed the entertainment my old friend Warty brought me while the rest of the class was learning about the prime meridian [a subject on which I was already an expert].

But before long, it returned--as warts are wont to do--and I was whole again. Warty and me, just like the old days.

Now, years later, the feeling has returned. Not in regards to the wart on my thumb, though...

...but Tastespotting.com. It's back. If Alias came back on T.V. for one last season [with Jennifer Garner and Michael Vartan both alive for the duration], I would not be as happy as I am today with the return of Tastespotting.com. If I could rewind to the time before I knew Wal-Mart™ existed, my joy would not even compare to today's. If I could believe in Santa Claus again, I would not trade that feeling for having Tastespotting.com back in my life.

It's like losing a $20.00 bill in last year's winter coat and mourning its loss, but then forgetting all about it until the first frost of autumn.

What once was lost...now is found.

The Midst of Mediocrity

We're home from Idaho--just for tonight and tomorrow--and on Friday we'll be heading down to The Great State of AZ. All the time I've spent on the road lately has lent room in my head for Seriously Deep Thoughts. Thoughts like, "How many white reflector posts are between each mile marker sign?" and "Why don't 2008 Ford Super Duty tucks have 'objects in the mirror are closer than they appear' written in the mirrors?" and "What is my purpose in life?"

It's that last question I want to address here on my blog.

The first thing Poor Kyle and I did when we returned was watch last night's episode of American Idol. [Actually, the first thing we did was deal with a broken deep freezer--the second thing we did was watch A.I.] I've never watched a season--nary an episode--of American Idol before this month. And actually, I am quite impressed. Of course if I was the kind of person to actually vote, I would text in my choice for Little David. The 17 year old from Utah reminds me of the kind of guy I dreamed about in high school. He's cute in all the right ways, and my only fear is that if he wins, the world might corrupt him. Then again, if he doesn't win, he might become bitter and disillusioned, and then where would we be?


But I digress. Whether or not our Likeable David Archuleta wins the competition is beside the point. The point is, he knows what he's doing with his life--he's winning American Idol.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a mineral scientist. Nothing else would do. I was fascinated by caves and caverns, stalagmites and stalactites, obsidian and diamonds. I was mildly obsessed with rocks. I had a whole slew of them--a rock collection, if you will. In a way they were my buddies. I kept them on my closet shelf in a cardboard tomato flat, and pulled them out every day after school, just to look at them. I'm pretty sure I even had names for them--I played with rocks like some kids play with Barbies (or Bratz, since I'm keeping up with the times [I never said I was cool from birth, okay? It's only been a recent character development]). Anyway, I wanted to go to science camp and intern at archaeological digs--it was my passion.

Somewhere during my education, though, I decided I hated science. And that was the end of it.

It makes me wonder what I'm supposed to be achieving. You know...in life. I don't want to live my entire 100 years in the midst of mediocrity. When all is said and done, when I'm dead and in Heaven (or Hell, depending on who you're commenting as!), I want to have passed some milestones--made my proverbial mark on the world. I don't want to die obscure.

The problem is...there's so much that needs changing; how am I supposed to do it all? Where does one even start? I wonder what David Archuleta would say about all this vagueness in my life.

{Celebrate Good Times}

Guess what? You'll never guess, so I'll spit it out. This is my 100th post on Archives of Our Lives. (Every time I write "Archives of Our Lives," I feel like the word "our" should not be capitalised, because it's so short. It doesn't seem important enough to get its own upper-case "O." [Being six feet tall, I am occasionally prone to further demoting short things in my life--it makes me feel good about myself.] But "our" is not an article, so I guess it deserves its rightful capitalisation. But I'll never be happy about it.)

I have been wanting to do a blog giveaway for a long time, but haven't found a good enough reason to. My 100th post seems like as good a time as any. It's only fair to try and reward people-who-read-my-blog [I can't call you "my readers," because that makes me sound a lot fancier than I really am], for providing me with feedback and validation. If I thought nobody ever read Archives of Our Lives, I wouldn't continue with it--I write so people will tell me I'm a good writer, not just to vent like our friend Emily Dickinson did. I think it's really exciting that real, live people might actually want to read something I write. (Also, in an attempt to gain further validation, I am hoping a giveaway will make people come out of the woodworks and comment, perhaps congratulating me on my hundredth post...or just saying "hello.")

So here's how it works:

1) Comment on this post. Make it clever, witty, or at least interesting to read. I will choose the cleverest, wittiest, or funniest commenter and reward said commenter with a $25.00 gift card to said commenter's choice of establishment (i.e. amazon.com, iTunes, Best Buy, or a lunch-y place like Applebee's).

2) Commenter ought to then mention this giveaway somewhere on their own blog, because that seems like a nice thing to do. And being nice is what I'm all about... If any commenter doesn't have a blog of their own, then obviously, it isn't necessary to mention the giveaway. They could write about it in their journal, if they wanted to, but that doesn't really do me any good. Nevertheless, anyone witty can win, blog-keeper or not.

3) That's it!

If anyone is worried that he or she is too boring to possibly win the clever comment contest, he or she ought to still comment, because I am also giving away a $15.00 gift card to one lucky random winner--boring or not. Same guidelines apply.

So, comment. Just do it. What have you got to lose?

p.s. Though my blog archives may only read "99 Posts," I am counting the little gem I wrote and subsequently deleted last month whilst visiting my family in Arizona. It was all about keeping Mayberry...Mayberry; it may well have been one of my best works. If there are two things I regret about my life, they are playing the piano instead of the flute for Junior Miss during my senior year of high school, and deleting the "Mayberry" post from my blog.

The Doctor is {IN}

In Arizona, spring has already sprung. We're a whole month behind here in Canada, and it's not looking hopeful. Oh, sure, the sky is bright cheerful blue today, but I've played this game--it's called Spring Hasn't Really Sprung and You're a Sucker for Thinking Otherwise. I'm not keen on playing it again. I always lose.

It seems like everyone I know is sick, whether from Arizona's Springtime allergies, or Canada's Wintertime coldness (and by "coldness" I do mean sub-freezing).

"It's that bug that's going around," or so I'm told. What is with this rationalisation? Why do people feel the need to make excuses for their poor health? Why can't we just take responsibility for our actions? If I get sick, it's because I washed my hair and left home without drying it--or without wearing a hat. If I catch a cold, it's because I haven't kept myself warm enough. If I get the flu, I need to pay more attention to the germy surfaces I'm touching, and disinfect accordingly. There is no good reason why we all can't come out of winter without becoming ill. Take vitamins! Drink Airborne! Wear socks! Eat three round meals a day! Own your life!

Of course most kids don't have the capacity to consciously maintain their good health on their own--that's what their parents are for. [And that's one of the main reasons I don't have kids.] Also, I don't mean that I think people can avoid all illnesses whatsoever. Some just *pop* up--like the chicken pox (chicken pocks? hmmm...), or shingles, or the bird flu...or...you know...cancer. But those minor colds should be a no-brainer by now. Don't catch a cold, for heavens' sake, and if you do, own up to it--nobody really buys it when you defend yourself with the old "It's going around" line. As if it was completely out of your control.

If you have neglected your health and are under the weather, here is a list of must-haves to make your time in bed as pleasant as possible (and I do mean pleasant).

1. 3-Ply Kleenex infused with Aloe Vera and Vitamin E. "Pure Heaven for Your Nose," they claim, and I believe that. [Though a more preventative choice would be Kleenex Anti-Viral. But it's too late for that by now, I presume.]

2. Vitamins E, C, and D, for various scientific reasons I don't feel like explaining. And Calcium Citrate [it has to be Calcium Citrate, not the kind from oysters or horse hooves], for women between the age of 13 and Still Alive. Protect your bones, ladies...protect your bones. I prefer Citrical.

3. Gatorade, if you've been throwing up. Something about the electrolytes and mega-goodness in Gatorade is supposed to re-hydrate the dehydrated. [Though if I was ever sick enough to stay home from school, whether or not I was actually throwing up and dehydrated, my dad always brought me fancy tissues and purple Gatorade. It heals all wounds, truly.]

4. Airborne. It might be a hoax--it might not. But why risk it? As for me and my self, we will buy into anything Oprah endorses. You should, too. Oprah for President 2012!

5. Pillow, blanket, mattress, and blackout curtains. If you don't have blackout curtains, bury your head in your pillow, blanket, and mattress (leaving a peep-hole for breathing) and pretend. Sleep will come. And it will be very healing when it does.

Local News

Poor Kyle had to fly down from Canada to drive me back there. I guess he thought I wouldn't actually come back.

What dear? Tomorrow's high is supposed to be freezing? Oh, that's nice. Mesa got rain today, and hail, too. It was very exciting. What's that? You had to shovel yourself out of the driveway to get to work? You were 20 minutes late? Your truck never did heat up on the thirty-minute drive? That's too bad...

I guess his suspicions were warranted. But he's here now, and we're headed to Texas to visit the far-away grandparents tomorrow. The whole lot of us--me, Poor Kyle, Adell, Clint, The Baby, and my parents. Should be a real adventure.

Since I'll be signing off for the weekend, I thought it best to leave you all with something to mull over. I do not subscribe to Google Reader (which is an application that people know when someone's blog has been updated). I find it rather thrilling to click on all the links of all the people I know (and some people I don't know).

I do not find it thrilling, however, to clickity-click on the links of boring bloggers who rarely update. It hurts my heart. In fact, there are some links I don't even bother clicking anymore, since I know I'll only be met with the painful sting of rejection. So when I come back on Monday, I am going to load up my Firefox, open my blog, and go through all of the links in both of my link-lists on the right hand side of the page. Any blogs that have not been updated in over a month are getting the kibosh. That's right. The Big Kibosh.

[Back when I was at ASU, I got so frustrated with all the "local news" guys--who would exchange phone numbers with me but never call--that I did this same thing. I went through my cell phone contact list, phoned all the contacts I'd not heard from in a while {if ever} and informed them I'd be taking them off my contact list to leave room for more with-it guys. I got quite a few lovely dates out of this tactic, but in the end, I became so disillusioned with ASU and its pitiful excuse for a meaningful student body, that I just moved to Canada. **Sorry if you went to ASU. No, truly. I am sorry. From the bottom of my heart. And if you're going there now, my advice to you is get the heck out of that hellhole, before it's too late.**]

But I digress.

To Whom it May Concern:

The following bloggers are in peril of no longer being my friend (my gosh, I feel like I'm in 4th grade all over again! I suppose I should un-invite all of you to my birthday party, too), and run the risk of being exterminated from the link list on the right-hand side of this blog. This is getting out of hand. You're becoming local news:

-Lindsey Burnham (I know you're working on one)
-Afton Willis (my gosh, Afton, give me a break!)
-Allison Pierce
-Emily Lewis
-Kim Fontes--(tsk tsk tsk)
-Tessa Burt

I know all of you are probably spectacularly busy, but come on...just one measly post. Everybody's doing it! And if you don't care whether or not I keep your link on my blog...just keep right on not posting.

Also, I have noticed a few new people saying hello to me, and I am tickled pink to know of you! I've been reading most of your blogs, and if you comment on this post, I'll make sure to add you to my links--I need to have something to put on my list of people who I actually know, since I have a feeling many of the aforementioned bloggers will shun my call to action.

Out with the old, and in with the new! I think that's how it goes.

{Fame}

Back in the miserable month of August, I wrote about how the only thing getting me through the month was this hilarious kid. He's gained international popularity for the three words he declared on the local news in Portland, Oregon last summer, "I Like Turtles."

It wouldn't be so funny, except for the fact that he was asked what he thought of his zombie face-paint job. Turtles had nothing to do with the matter. Anyway, there would be no sense in me revisiting the incident, except for this: The page I linked to in my original commentary, "The Washington Post," linked back to me! I don't know, I guess they have tech people working on figuring out who is reading their website. Anyway, they found my post and linked back to it! Isn't that amazing? Go ahead...click here. Scroll down a bit. Just to the right of the fourth paragraph is a little box that reads, "Who's Blogging?"

See that first link there? The one that reads, "Archives of Our Lives." That would be me. You can click on it again if you want--it will bring you to the original post I wrote about the kid. It's an entire mind-blowing network of link love!

I am tickled pink about this. And though I know it's not really a huge deal, I kind of feel like I've won a Grammy.

National Like-It-Link-It Day

A stanza in Snow Patrol's song "Chasing Cars" is nice. {Actually, all of the stanzas are nice, but this one in particular is relevant to my post today.}

"Those three words are said too much. They're not enough."

A lot of people these days are saying that the word "love" is overused. I agree. Yet up until this point, I have done nothing to stop the massacring of the English language. "I love you," I tell people, but at the same time I also say things like, "I love this chair. I love what you've done with the place. I love scrapbooking. I love flossing." Is that to say that I have the same feeling in my heart for, say, the man I am going to be with for eternity, as I have for dental floss? "Chasing Cars" couldn't have been more correct. Those three words aren't enough.

But this post is not about how to tell your lover that you more-than-love him or her. Rather, it's about using milder words--like, for example--to express those milder sentiments.

Welcome to national Like-It-Link-It* Day.

There's a whole lot of like in the world, and most of it is coming from my heart this week. My dear friend, Melenie, once wrote a post on her blog wherein she linked to mine three times! In one post! I felt the "like" vibe emanating from Mel that day, and ever since then, I have been wanting to write a Like-It-Link-It* post.

Things I Like Enough to Link:

-Favourite TV Drama: Grey's Anatomy.

-Favourite Real-Life Drama: Melenie's Blog (Between Mel and her husband, they have, like, 9 parents. It's quite fascinating.)

-Favourite TV Station: ABC.com. This company has worked wonders with marketing, music selections, and the overall appeal of their station. I only watch shows online, though, afther they've aired, which I can do with limited (30 second) commercials from their sponsors. I like it.

-Favourite Mouth-Watering Blog: Cupcake Frenzy {though it hasn't been updated in quite some time.}

-Most Inspiring-to-be-Crafty Blog: Heather Bailey. My favourite post of hers is the one about straws. Read it here. I wonder if Kyle could learn to take photos like that for my blog?

-Blog that somehow always makes me feel bad about myself because she and her kids are so cool: Kayleen

-Person who probably doesn't read my blog but who I wish would: Loralee

-Favourite store for gadgets: Brookstone! I just bought this clock yesterday (at half-price) and my life has improved since its purchase.

Well that was delightful. I like this new blogiday of mine. I think I will do this once a month. Maybe more, maybe less. I can't really say what day is officially Like-It-Link-It day, because I might not like as many things in any given month. We'll just have to see.

*Like-It-Link-It is a registered phrase of archives-lives.blogspot.com. I thought of it all by myself. If you want to have a Like-It-Link-It day, go for it, but you ought to link to my blog in the process--it seems only fair.