Archives of Our Lives

{a narrow and broad look into the lives of people I love}

Friday, February 15, 2008

The Doctor is {IN}

In Arizona, spring has already sprung. We're a whole month behind here in Canada, and it's not looking hopeful. Oh, sure, the sky is bright cheerful blue today, but I've played this game--it's called Spring Hasn't Really Sprung and You're a Sucker for Thinking Otherwise. I'm not keen on playing it again. I always lose.

It seems like everyone I know is sick, whether from Arizona's Springtime allergies, or Canada's Wintertime coldness (and by "coldness" I do mean sub-freezing).

"It's that bug that's going around," or so I'm told. What is with this rationalisation? Why do people feel the need to make excuses for their poor health? Why can't we just take responsibility for our actions? If I get sick, it's because I washed my hair and left home without drying it--or without wearing a hat. If I catch a cold, it's because I haven't kept myself warm enough. If I get the flu, I need to pay more attention to the germy surfaces I'm touching, and disinfect accordingly. There is no good reason why we all can't come out of winter without becoming ill. Take vitamins! Drink Airborne! Wear socks! Eat three round meals a day! Own your life!

Of course most kids don't have the capacity to consciously maintain their good health on their own--that's what their parents are for. [And that's one of the main reasons I don't have kids.] Also, I don't mean that I think people can avoid all illnesses whatsoever. Some just *pop* up--like the chicken pox (chicken pocks? hmmm...), or shingles, or the bird know...cancer. But those minor colds should be a no-brainer by now. Don't catch a cold, for heavens' sake, and if you do, own up to it--nobody really buys it when you defend yourself with the old "It's going around" line. As if it was completely out of your control.

If you have neglected your health and are under the weather, here is a list of must-haves to make your time in bed as pleasant as possible (and I do mean pleasant).

1. 3-Ply Kleenex infused with Aloe Vera and Vitamin E. "Pure Heaven for Your Nose," they claim, and I believe that. [Though a more preventative choice would be Kleenex Anti-Viral. But it's too late for that by now, I presume.]

2. Vitamins E, C, and D, for various scientific reasons I don't feel like explaining. And Calcium Citrate [it has to be Calcium Citrate, not the kind from oysters or horse hooves], for women between the age of 13 and Still Alive. Protect your bones, ladies...protect your bones. I prefer Citrical.

3. Gatorade, if you've been throwing up. Something about the electrolytes and mega-goodness in Gatorade is supposed to re-hydrate the dehydrated. [Though if I was ever sick enough to stay home from school, whether or not I was actually throwing up and dehydrated, my dad always brought me fancy tissues and purple Gatorade. It heals all wounds, truly.]

4. Airborne. It might be a hoax--it might not. But why risk it? As for me and my self, we will buy into anything Oprah endorses. You should, too. Oprah for President 2012!

5. Pillow, blanket, mattress, and blackout curtains. If you don't have blackout curtains, bury your head in your pillow, blanket, and mattress (leaving a peep-hole for breathing) and pretend. Sleep will come. And it will be very healing when it does.

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Blogger Steven and Kami Palmer said...

I wanted to comment about an earlier post the one you wrote to your family but I wasn't sure you would see it so i am writing on this one. Not that this wasn't a great post I just wanted to say I know how you feel. Now I of course am not as far away from your family as you are but still it is hard to adjust to not being with the fam all the time. My dad always told me "there's no place like home!" and I couldn't agree more! I hope you are doing well camille! I am very happy for you and everything you are doing!

February 15, 2008 at 11:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks for the tips! i will never get a cold again! i just love the humor in your writing...

February 15, 2008 at 2:34 PM  
Blogger Loralee Choate said...

My biggest beef? People who kill themselves to get to church (Or work) and get everyone ill.

February 15, 2008 at 3:06 PM  
Blogger Raygon said...

Oprah for president! And ditto to Loralees comment.

February 15, 2008 at 3:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why wait until 2012? Let's shoot for '08! After all, there's always the 'write-in' slot, eh? Oh, and why do you think that you are so superior that you can tell us all how not to get sick? That's pretty nervy.

February 15, 2008 at 5:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Camille are you really never going to have kids???? That's what it seems like. PLEASE TELL ME I'M WRONG!!!

February 16, 2008 at 11:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DAD had 10 sick days last year and only used 2 of them. He went to work many days when he was really sick to save up for when he got cancer or had to have an organ removed. COme to find out you can't carry your sick days over from one year to another! He lost out on 8 perfectly good days he could have taken off to be sick. I think I should learn a lesson from that.

By the way I am not sick---if I am sick I can't be with "the little MAN". I am just crippled, fat old, and terribly achey.
I wish you would write a blog about grandma refusing to travel or, for that matter, to get her hair dyed today because Gayle is out of town and WalMart BEauty Salon would charge too much and not do it right.
I want to talk to you about "WORTHINGTONNESS" as I have been thinking seriously about it as we delivered 57 Beehive drops today. I am not sure what is wrong with my life but perhaps I need a case of WORTHIONGTONITIS to make my life better.

February 16, 2008 at 5:03 PM  

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