Birth Control and What I'd Do if it Ever Failed Me.

I believe that children should come into this world being highly anticipated by their parents. Of course, accidents can happen, and who am I to judge? No one. I am, however, a girl who knows that she is not--in any way, shape or form--ready to be a mother. If I were to get pregnant unexpectedly right now, I would feel so sorry for my unborn fetus, because I do not think I could be joyful and excited to birth it. (To BIRTH it. BIRTH. Sounds wretched.)

Someday I will be ready to have children, and when that day comes, I will be as hopeful and expectant as any mother likely is. I will nest. I will read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" (a title which should be underlined but Blogger won't let me). I will go to LaMaze and La Leche League and LaMommy-and-Me prep classes. When I am ready.

But for now, I take very great care not to let any of my defenseless little eggs get fertlised. That's how we roll, the eggs and me.

So with no further ado...

Q [from Anonymous]: So what ARE your birth control plans?

A [from me]: I am taking a prescription birth control pill called Yasmin. I like it, second only to the prescription I was on back in the states [it was a similar pill called Yaz, but the "off" pills were only three in number. Which meant the "off" days were three or fewer. Which was a marvelous thing indeed]. But they don't make Yaz in Canada--just Yasmin. The only difference is that the white pills--or the "off" days--are an entire seven. Which is four more than three. Which is the kind of math that can get your head chewed off if you bring it up during The Week of the White Pills.

Poor Kyle--he knows to beware of the Week of the White Pills. Poor, poor Kyle.

I won't complain, though, because my meds up here cost me $10.00 for a three month supply, whereas in Arizona I was paying upwards of $50.00 each month. But that was my fault because I dropped out of college and could no longer qualify for student insurance. I'm a black sheep like that.

Anyway, Yasmin is a nice little drug that I gleefully pump into my body every night before bed. I did all the research my little brain could tolerate, and I decided the pill was the choice for me. I might have preferred the Depo Provera shot, if not for the fact that I would rather get pregnant than get shots--and that's saying a lot. And please...don't even get me started on those nasty things that stay up in people's bodies for months on end. I...cannot...fathom. Ever. Never ever ever.

But to each her own.

Q [from Camille Elise]: Hmm...If you ever have kids, how many do you want? And would you ever consider having them at home, in say, a bathtub?

A [from me]: Four. And if there is any way I can figure out to have one sets of quadruplets or two sets of twins, I would absolutely take it. The way I figure it, I can completely hole myself inside my house for four years until at least one of my kids started school--and every year following would just get better. Then again, what do I know? My older sister, a new parent herself, tells me that this is the stupidest idea she's ever heard. And she's pretty clever, so I am probably wrong.

I would never have my children in a bathtub. I might consider having one in an Aqua Doula™, though--it's a child birthing spa! Ooh, la la!


But I intend to have at least my first child (assuming I can't get all four at once, because I could never be so lucky) at the local hospital, such as it is. Because, as I believe with my contraceptives, if the drugs are there, I want them.

If, however, my first birthing (ugh. BIRTHING. Sounds right awful) experience is negative, I would consider trying a home birth. The smart way. The Cristin way [i.e., with a licensed, experienced midwife there as guidance and a life-preserver]. When I read her post about her experience with a home birth, I remember thinking, "Wow. That really does sound nice. Being able to sleep in my own bed just a little while after having a kid? Good deal."

But who wants to think about birth plans now? Not me. I'm only sayin' 'cause you asked.