Archives of Our Lives

{a narrow and broad look into the lives of people I love}

Monday, February 11, 2008

Letter to My Life

I am stingy with the word "love." Real stingy. It took me so long (and so many boyfriends) to come to my own conclusion about the meaning of "love" that I don't just toss the word around like pretzels. I try to cherish it--reserve it for the real deal, if you will.

In honour of St. Valentine's Day (a holiday I struggle with normally), I've decided to conquer my petty misgivings by writing a series of love letters. To institutions, things, and people that I really do love. Today's is about life.

Dear My Life,

I love you. I love the direction you've taken over the past 12 months. I love where you and I have ended up. We're in the right place for us right now.

It's been hard, to be sure. I miss home. I miss family. I miss The Familiar. The Comfort Zone. The carne asadas and QTs. Every time I go back, it gets harder to leave.

Sometimes I complain about you, My Life. I get disgruntled with the sky. I get frustrated with my husband--nobody ever warned me how hard it would be to communicate with the testosterone of it all. Sometimes I get so discouraged about where I am and who I'm with that all I can do is curse you, My Life. It doesn't really make me feel better. Not when I know the good in you outweighs the bad, one hundred to one...

How many women are free to do what they want, when they want? Not many. I love that I'm young and (for the most part) still energetic. I love that my time is my own--not my kid's. I love that I have so much: so much family...so much to be thankful for. I love that I can afford to shop at Costco; it's my very favourite.

But my love for you goes deeper, Life. I love that you've taught me to have compassion over the years. Good heavens, how I worried as a teenager that I'd never be able to feel compassion. It was a hard lesson to teach me, I'm sure; presenting me with a grandfather who grew slowly more feeble--did you have to stoop so low?


He meant so much to me; I miss him every day. Couldn't you have taught me compassion some other way? Probably not.

I love that you've grown with me--it takes more to fulfill you than it did a few years ago, but I've tried to pack you with good experiences.

In our travels about the world, I've learned so much about you, My Life; and so much about other peoples' lives.

I guess this is overly-optimistic (which I generally try to avoid being, because of the guaranteed disappointments), and totally cheesy, but I'm not naive. I know you are going to become more difficult--more complicated. It's a fact of you.


But I'm looking forward to the challenges you will bring, and I hope I can rise to meet them. I can't wait to spend the rest of you with you. Does that make any sense?

My Life is good.

I love Life.

Sincerely,

Me

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13 Comments:

Blogger Kathryn said...

The eyes got a little teary on that one, especially when I saw the picture of your grandpa. You come from good stalk Camille.

On another note, I like reading about your marriage. It reminds me of that delightful first year. Oh how we are still not perfect at the marriage thing, but how we love it.

February 11, 2008 at 10:42 PM  
Blogger Kristy said...

My first valentines with my husband was going to his basketball game, right after a final exam. hope yours is better! lol

February 12, 2008 at 7:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Millie,

Well, you've done it again. You've got the pregnancy hormones raging. Just like Kathryn, this brought tears to my eyes and made me miss you so much more. It made me miss Grandpa, too. The other day I was visiting Grandma with Mom, Dad, and Preston, and Uncle Henry and Aunt Grace came over. I got a little choked up when I saw him because he reminded me of Grandpa. Not so much what he did or said or looked, but how he was. It was hard for me to see him, much as I love him. Anyway, I think this post is a poignant, beautiful one, and I'm looking forward to the rest of your love letters.

February 12, 2008 at 8:26 AM  
Blogger Lindsey Burnham said...

I love your life too, come to think of it! Thanks for sharing it with me... Good post. I'm glad you've got to fill your life with so much good so far, and you are right, worse times are inevitable--they always are!

Just pray you don't get a cold sore as one of those 'hard times to come'...

February 12, 2008 at 2:14 PM  
Blogger Lindsey Burnham said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

February 12, 2008 at 2:14 PM  
Blogger Jami said...

camille, I loved that post, it was just so sweet! I am hoping that the next love letter is to me....hahah, I can always dream! and I don't know how to delete that word letter thing, tell me how.

February 12, 2008 at 4:05 PM  
Blogger Geneva said...

That is a beautiful post.

February 12, 2008 at 6:51 PM  
Blogger Loralee Choate said...

That was awesome, camille. I need to take a page from your book. I bitch WAY too much about my life.

February 12, 2008 at 8:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a sweet post! well, i'm glad you love your life- i think we all need to be grateful for all the people that influence our lives for the better and give us those cherished memories we will never forget. (sounds pretty poetic, huh?)

February 13, 2008 at 2:33 PM  
Blogger LetterToKayleen said...

could you please write a letter to my life. i think you'd do it more justice than i ever could.

February 13, 2008 at 6:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am glad that I was able to be a part of your life. Sometimes it seems like our time together never happened. WHen you left on November 2nd I thought that I would stop breathing. I could hardly live through it. Perhaps it was wrong of me to ask Kyle for a blessing that day because I know it was hard for him. Kyle is a compassionate man (that's one of the things I admire and respect most about him) and he doesn't like to see people hurt. Your leaving hurt me more than you'll ever know;I felt like my heart was ripped out of my bodyl

Still, your life is your life. I am glad that I was a part of it for the 21 years that I had to share you with you. They were both hard and good years. I tried my hardest to lead, guide, and walk beside. So many times I wanted to shake you and MAKE you do things my way. In reality I knew I couldn't do that. I knew my place was to teach you all that I could so that you could stand on your own and be a strong and valiant warrior of truth and light, and live your life in the way that was best for you.

Sometimes I hate Kyle for living in Canada. I miss you so much at times that I can't bear it. I know that my place is to support you and encourage you to be your best in all times and all places and all things.

It's too bad that I only have two girls because I am the kind of mom that needed the six kids I planned to have. I am so grateful that I do have two girls, who are now women. I am trying my hardest to be a good parent of you, the adult version of the baby I held in my arms 21 yeas ago.

Each time you went on a trip a part of me went with you---the part that was my guts and soul. I spent all of 2006 and 2007 praying my heart out for you. I spent all the money I had to allow you the opportunities you needed to be the best you. I like who you are, I just miss you being close. The only way I can cope with that indescribable pain is to not think about it.

Yes, you're gone, but you'll never be forgotten. AND----I'm so glad that Heavenly Father lent you to me to help me through the travails of earth life.

I love you.

MA

February 13, 2008 at 9:03 PM  
Anonymous People Power Granny said...

Love is more than a word. I explain what love really is to me at http://peoplepowergranny.blogspot.com. You are also invited to vote in my poll on how you show your love.

February 14, 2008 at 6:57 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I just read through your love letters.
I liked them.
Every single one.

February 15, 2008 at 10:39 AM  

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