It's my party and I'll--oh, forget it.

It's my birthday.

And on this, the 25th of September, I would like to declare that I'm tired of keeping it real.

What I want, for just one day, is a whole lot of fake.

In other words, instead of my [self-made] birthday cake looking like this:



I want it to look like this:

Image from here.

Yeah. Uh...not so much. My birthday cake's crack is showing.

[At least the cake stand is adorable.]

...And instead of my war-zone post-birthday cake kitchen looking like this:


I want it to look more like this:

Image from here.

Instead of my gallbladder looking like this:

Utterly revolting image from here.

I want it to look like this:

Sunshine and daisies. Photo by Jim-AR.

It's my birthday, and I'd like some fake, of the Martha Stewart persuasion.

Please and thank you.