Archives of Our Lives

{a narrow and broad look into the lives of people I love}

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

If My Backyard Could Talk, it Would Sue Me for Negligence

Children are like gardens, and in this analogy, I am totally unfit.

Which is why I will never be a parent--because evidently, when one is responsible for more beyond one's own self, one cannot frolic about the continent for months on end, completely ignoring one's offspring (even if one's offspring happens to be a 20 square-foot plot of land in one's backyard). I suppose while I was gone my husband would take an active role in the nurturing of our garden. Which was foolish, really. Aside from the initial tilling, he's done nothing to help the garden flourish (doesn't that sound an awful lot like pregnancy?).

I don't know why I expected my husband to care for our baby--he never wanted kids [vegetables] in the first place. The only reason he even tilled a month ago is because he likes things that go "vroom" and I promised he'd be rewarded. He even told me when I left, "Don't expect me to sit around here watching your garden all day watching the dirt--I have work to do. I probably won't even get around to watering it."

So I don't know why I was so shocked when I got home and peeked in the backyard. Indeed, my children have taken my negligence as a personal affront, and are acting out to get more attention from me. In my absence, they've taken to hanging with the wrong crowd--real seedy, weedy sorts of characters. And by "weedy" I do mean weeds.

Six foot tall weeds, in particular.

Gone are my perfectly straight rows--they've become overrun with weeds and grass and ants, and a particularly ugle neon green sort of caterpillar. Seriously. Try--just try--to spot the tomato plant underneath all this foliage:

I spent four hours weeding this morning, and it's only a drop in the dadgum proverbial bucket of what's left to do. And I used to find gardening so...fulfilling.

Which is perhaps why I'm so overwhelmed. I mean, to go from this:

To this:

And back to this:

Well, that's just depressing.

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Blogger Alice said...

Nice! I'm currently in the process of making as much of my yard grass as possible since mowing is easier than weeding!

June 26, 2008 at 5:05 AM  
Blogger moosh in indy. said...

That's what's nice (well, um, different) about human kids. They have a built in shriek of horror and ghastliness if you neglect them.
I kill plants even when I try, yet my human kid is thriving. Maybe a little too much.

June 26, 2008 at 7:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a heck of a lot of garden to take care of. But, BTW, not that this has a whole lot to do with your story, but there is a hilarious new reality show on Wednesday nights. It's called The Baby Borrowers. They take five 18 year old couples who say they are ready to be parents right now and give them a little home and have them watch other people's children as their own. It was the first night last night and after about 24 hours they were all going crazy with these crying babies. Then in the episodes to come they trade them for toddlers, middle age kids, teenagers and old people. Check it out.

June 26, 2008 at 7:40 AM  
Blogger Joel said...

Wow... Good luck with that.

June 26, 2008 at 7:44 AM  
Blogger Cristin said...

I'm jealous that you have a backyard with grass.
And I also watched the Baby Borrowers last night and thought you should go on that show.

June 26, 2008 at 7:44 AM  
Blogger Jonathan and Sarah said...

Don't worry my sunflowers all died... while I was here. Sad huh? It'll probably be even more fulfilling once you get your garden back that you were able to take something once dead, back to life! You'll be like a doctor! jk Anyway, I'm glad you told me about no beaches. That's what I was looking forward to. What did you guys do?

June 26, 2008 at 8:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I don't feel one bit sorry for you. Did you SERIOUSLY expect Kyle to water and care for your garden? Seriously. Come on, now. (No offense, PK.)

I did enjoy the child analogy. Good stuff!

June 26, 2008 at 3:03 PM  
Blogger angela hardison said...

You can't really complain. I mean, atleast your yard is green.

You should see mine. There is a really strange mushroom bursting out of the dry, dry dirt. I'm waiting to see how big it gets.

June 26, 2008 at 11:07 PM  
Blogger mistakes for marion said...

I really liked your green grass, it is much harder for Arizona to spout such happy stuff. Too bad I don't live within waulking distance because I've been really wanting to dig in dirt lately. And dig in yours for free, for fun 0_o

June 26, 2008 at 11:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if my backyard could talk
i would move.

June 28, 2008 at 9:38 AM  

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