Archives of Our Lives

{a narrow and broad look into the lives of people I love}

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

***I'VE JUST WON £1,000,000!!!!!!***

If I had a million British pounds (£) for every time I get emails telling me I won a million British pounds (£), I would be eating crumpets in one of the 20 sitting rooms of my very own castle near the Cotswalds right this minute, instead of updating this blog.

I would take morning walks along streets like this:

*Photo from here.*

And I would star in movies like this:

I would take holidays--not vacations--and store my trunks (luggage) in the boot (trunk) of my auto (car).

If I had £1,000,000 for every time those sneaky Brits tell me I've won £1,000,000, I would hire someone technologically-inclined to spruce up my blog--maybe even help me become self-hosted. I would give away $500.00 gift cards like Pioneer Woman does, and I would put all my leftovers in glass--not plastic--containers.

With my daily average income at two or three million pounds (£), I would have extra money for stuff like that. I might even take up horseback riding (the fancy kind, with helmets instead of Stetsons™, and jodhpurs instead of Wranglers™ [Anyone know how to pronounce "jodhpurs?"]).

I would hire someone else to get kamikaze insects stuck in their ears. I would pay to have my hair professionally styled every day. I would holiday in Fiji and drink from their artesian wells:

*Photo from here.*

And I would hire someone to create a Mini Cooper Hybrid that would be less taxing on the environment, and then I would buy that new-and-improved Mini Cooper, along with my own peace of mind that I'm reducing my carbon footprint.

Then, I would begin a campaign to increase Nutella's™ popularity in these United States. Because I think the creator of Nutella™ should be given all the breaks that life can afford.

And with his improved wealth, I would encourage him to formulate sugar-free Nutella™ (which would also be beneficial to my peace of mind).

And then I would petition Her Majesty the Queen to abdicate her throne, since who gave her the right to all those British pounds (£) anyway, and she doesn't even have much of a say, so what gives?

*Photo from here.*

And when she would invariably tell me to get lost, I would petition for one more thing before being thrown out of Her Royal Highness' presence: that she put an end to scammers generating false hope by sending out fraudulent emails to poverty-stricken bloggers. Because telling a poor person that they've just won £1,000,000 only to let them down day after day...

..that's cruel.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...


I understand entirely. I just delete everything in my inbox if I don't know the sender. Evil, scheming brutes. Why give us false hope?

June 4, 2008 at 11:24 PM  
Blogger Zach said...

I found your blog! I love it! Hahaha. You better add me on your links! How's Canadia?

June 5, 2008 at 1:23 AM  
Blogger Cristin said...

I always wonder that if I really did win a million dollars (or pounds) that I would believe it because I do receive so many of those stupid emails.

June 5, 2008 at 9:12 AM  
Anonymous anon nclp said...

i say it mostly as it looks
j sound like g in "georgia"
od like "odd"
silent h
purs like "purrs"

from india
though in original tongue i think the silent h would modify the j sound to something like the y in "yacht"
regular y consonant, extra nose

June 5, 2008 at 12:09 PM  
Blogger Raygon said...

haha! i have been getting these lately too. do people really buy into these silly e mails? i got one that told me a family member of mine died of loneliness and heart problems because his family all died in the tsunami. i was his ONLY family left, so I was gonna get his money. That is cruel. Apparently, I have a whole branch of my family tree I never knew about. What a load of garbage. Atleast you are having fun and entertaining yourself with the thought of it all being real. Would you please take me with you on your adventure. sorry this is a long comment!!

June 5, 2008 at 12:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, how fun it is to dream what you would do with all that money...(sigh). that english photo is just gorgeous! anon10

June 5, 2008 at 1:15 PM  
Blogger Alice said...

I'll work the Nutella campaign with you. Heavenly.

And if you do get your million pounds, my back yard is just screaming for a pool.

June 5, 2008 at 3:15 PM  
Blogger Geneva said...

I second all nutella plans

June 6, 2008 at 11:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this nutella stuff is nuts

June 8, 2008 at 1:14 PM  

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